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| The Search to Belong: Rethinking Intimacy, Community, and Small Groups | 
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Avg. Customer Rating:  (based on 19 reviews)
Sales Rank: 35406
Category: Book
Author: Joseph R. Myers
Publisher: Zondervan/Youth Specialties
Studio: Zondervan/Youth Specialties
Manufacturer: Zondervan/Youth Specialties
Label: Zondervan/Youth Specialties
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 192
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.5
ISBN: 0310255007
Dewey Decimal Number: 262.2
UPC: 025986255008
EAN: 9780310255000
ASIN: 0310255007
Publication Date: September 5, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Community is a fundamental life search. We need to belong. In our time, we search with some increasing desperation as terms like neighbor, family, and congregation are being redefined.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 14 more reviews...
 Made me rethink how I see small groups November 10, 2008
This book changed the way I look at small groups and the definition of spiritual growth. Our church is focused on working people down a path where they deepen their faith in God through attending more intimate community relationships, from public gatherings through community events and into personal small group relationships. [author: Joe Myers] has me thinking completely differently about that.Joe describes the four levels of space people move through in different settings. He describes in detail and with examples each of the spaces (Public, Social, Personal and Intimate).
He comes up with a calculation where, for every 1 intimate friend you have, you'll have two personal friends, four social friends and 8 public friends. While this can't be a hard and true calculation, it helps define the number of people involved at different levels and shows that we shouldn't be trying to force people into personal friendships or intimate relationships with each-other, or even God.
The stories in between the descriptions are good and engaging. I did find it distracting to read the different quotes in the middle of text, sometimes breaking apart a thought that I'm trying to understand. It was especially distracting since these quotes are on about every other page in the book.
Overall this was a great book. Our youth leadership consultant also referenced this book in his youth leadership training for our church. If you have any responsibility in defining community or the path people take in their spiritual growth, it's a must-read.
 My Search to Understand Community has Ended October 17, 2007
Joseph Myers offers a comprehesive, yet simple understanding for humanity's need of community. As a church planter, The Search to Belong was instrumental in helping us frame our small group methodology in a way that was both theological and practical.
a new framework for talking about belonging November 24, 2006
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
NUSTSHELL
Myers exposes the unhelpful and unhealthy trend of championing intimacy and close friendship as the (1) end-all,be-all for every relationship and (2) the means for establishing community/belonging, and suggests that a more healthy view of belonging lies in (1) realizing the validity of public and social relationships/belonging, (2) and thereafter seeking harmony between public, social, personal, and intimate belonging. Pu8S4P2I is a succinct and witty rendering (in chemical formula vocabulary) of a healthy, harmonious balance of relationship in the 4 spheres of relational space.
PLAY BY PLAY
ch1 DECONSTRUCTION of common formulas for belonging (ex: time=belonging, committment =belonging, common purpose = belonging, etc...). Formulas discovered to be too simplistic.
ch2 ASKS THE QUESTION "what does it mean to belong" and begins to explore the role of language in asking and answering.
ch3 INTRODUCES Myers appropriation of Edward T. Halls' 4 spaces of human interaction (public, social, personal, and intimate) for belonging. Myers describes (vs defines) belonging in each context with well chosen anecdotes and emphasizes that we connect, we participate, and we find our connecting significant in ALL 4 SPACES.
ch4 explores (1) the COMPETENCIES individuals must possess in order to connect in each space (2) the ROLE of "group leader" in facilitating belonging (3) asks the question HOW DO WE MEASURE BELONGING?
ch5 discusses HOW RELATIONSHIPS MOVE through different spatial realms at different times in life.
ch6 explores the concept of FRONT PORCHES, and begins the conversation of how to facilitate public and social belonging in our day and age.
ch7 is a CASE STUDY on how to integrate the concepts of this book into congregational life.
ASSESSMENT
As Myers states in the intro, this book is part self-help (in the best sense) - in that it provides a framework for individuals to understand what healthy belonging looks like for an individual, and part church-help - in that it provokes good questions for every congregational equipper: Who is my neighbor? What does it mean to belong? How can I aid others in their search to belong? What is the correct language to use in asking and answering these questions?
I found Myers thoughts to be provocative and insightful. For both the church leader and individual alike i would recommend it. For the church leader it raises such questions as Is church membership relevant for today? What does it mean to belong to my church? How doe we communicate that belonging? Is it apostasy to wonder if my relationship with God is not always meant to be personal?
Though I don't agree wholeheartedly with all of Meyers' reflections, I give this book a 5 because its asking the perceptive, provocative questions, and does it in an easy-to-digest format. It is both quick (many stories) and short (154 pages - with many illustrations and low text/page ratio) and best read in conversation with others.
Small Groups Pastor's Perspective March 15, 2006
14 out of 15 found this review helpful
This book has given meaning and a new understanding to what I experienced in my neighborhood as a child. On summer nights, people lounged the remainder of their day away on their front porches. Others who were taking a walk would stop and linger for conversation. Conversations tended to be light hearted, but sometimes burdens were shared. I loved my neighborhood because I belonged to it. Certain adults knew my name- or at least who I belonged to: "your Bob Klug's son". They talked to me like I mattered and told on me because I mattered. After college I returned to the city. I got to know my neighbors again. When my (parked) car was hit by a drunk driver, three of my neighbors hopped in their cars and chased him. Why did these men take such a risk? I made conversation with them on the side walk, but I did not have a deep or personal relationship with any of them. I think the reason these men were willing to pursue the drunk driver was because we belonged to each other. We knew it could be a dangerous world out there, so we watched out for each other. Through the years, my focus became so small group oriented that somehow I lost the importance of "front porch" communities. This book convincingly makes the case that people have a need to belong in "four spaces": 1) public; 2) social; 3) personal and 4) intimate. At the public and social levels, community "belonging" has fewer expectations and is experienced more easily, but not with as much meaning or spiritual benefit. Though people long for deeper community, many are afraid of it at the same time. We need to give people space, a place where they are comfortable connecting. These large group "spaces" are significant to an effective discipleship strategy when they serve to lead people into "one another" relationships. Jesus had His "Sons of Thunder", twelve, "followers", parties and the multitude. Yet it is clear to me that His focus was on a small group of men... Once people have a sense of belonging to our church, it is more likely that they will walk with us into deeper levels of community. We need to let them taste the sweetness of biblical community. If we keep them connected, with well laid plans and by the power of God we can lead more people to a small group.
 Fascinating - not perfect, but a great book January 29, 2006
6 out of 7 found this review helpful
(Note: Score should read 5 stars. For some reason it got entered as 3 and can't be edited.)
I've had this book for a year and finally got around to reading it. Myers manages to provide a framework for defining belonging in a way that makes complete and utter sense.
Small groups can be tremendous places for personal growth and the development of relationships - but only with the right people and in the right circumstances. The drive to small group uber-intimacy at any cost in churches has been a tremendously damaging one, and this book helps to explain why. If 100,000 fans at a football game can have a great time and feel connected without knowing a single other soul there, why should that not be the case for church?
Actually, the delineation of the social and personal dimensions is more important for church, as these are the levels most people need and are looking for, but which small group fiends despise the most.
Myers does lose the plot a bit with his "front porch" obsession and his totally inaccurate portrayal of the development of the US car industry post WW2 and its being supplanted by the Japanese. That whole story comes out of left field and is poorly thought out, but I can forgive him that because the book ends very strongly with a very relevant case study.
One last thought - the goal of most church small group ministries is to create (but a better approach would be to facilitate) an intimate relationship with God. But having an intimate relationship with God does not mean that one has to have an intimate relationship with a bunch of other people. Trying to force the latter on people is most likely to hinder the former. That is the point that many small group ministries miss. Myers does a great job of exposing the error.
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