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| You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child | 
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Avg. Customer Rating:  (based on 18 reviews)
Sales Rank: 34040
Category: Book
Author: Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
Publisher: WaterBrook Press
Studio: WaterBrook Press
Manufacturer: WaterBrook Press
Label: WaterBrook Press
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Hardcover
Edition: 1
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 208
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 6 x 1
ISBN: 1578561930
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.64
EAN: 9781578561933
ASIN: 1578561930
Publication Date: August 1999
Release Date: August 17, 1999
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Face the challenge of disciplining a stubborn will - without breaking the spirit. It's easy to recognize a strong-willed child. Difficult to discipline, at times impossible to motivate, strong-willed children present unique, frustrating, and often exhausting challenges to those who care for them. But now, the miracle parents long for can happen. Offering new hope, achievable goals, and a breath of fresh air to families and teachers, Cynthia Tobias explains how the mind of a strong-willed child works - and how to use that information to the child's best advantage. Audio is Approx. 180 minutes, 2 cassettes.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 13 more reviews...
 Disheartening Unbiblical view of children July 15, 2008
10 out of 16 found this review helpful
If you are a Christian, then please read my review. Cynthia Tobias has been greatly lauded in the homeschool community for her educational theories. But, as a Christian mom, I have some serious concerns about her perspectives on strongwilled children. At first, as I was reading this book, I thought, well, you can sift through what she says to glean what you can. But, as I read on, I came to have major issues with this book. By her scale in the beginning of the book for strong willed people (1 to 12, 12 being high), I am a 10 or 11. So, I'm a very strong willed person myself.
These are two examples of why this book concerns me. She tells a story about when she was in church and learned the song, "Trust and obey" Well, since she didn't like the song the way it was, she sang "Trust and Comply," substituting comply for obey and the last line of "Trust and obey for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey" She sang "Trust and Comply, for I know the reason why, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and comply." Now, this may seem silly, but her point is that it was HER choice to obey--taking God out of the picture. We are saved by God's GRACE--His ACTION, NOT OURS. And obedience is important.
She repeatedly talks about how important it is always to give strong willed children choices all the time and not tell them what to do. I'm sorry, but when I'm crossing a busy street and ask for my daughter's hand--I am not going to give her a choice! It is absolutely important that she obey me!
The second story comes later in the book about a time when she was teaching English at a public school. I am by trade a middle school teacher. She uses this story as an example of how Strong willed children believe that rules are only guidelines and that they are going to live with them as such--and most importantly that this is OKAY from her perspective! Back to the story, she tells the story of being told by her department chair to use a set of particular books in her class. She didn't want to, so she checked out the books and took them to her classroom. She passed out the books and instructed the students to sit on them for the class period. Then she collected them and returned them. The Dept. Chair asked if she used them and she said "Yes." No, she did not! As she retold the story, there was no remorse or regret for what she did! But, there is a huge integrity issue there. I am sure those students knew exactly what she was doing. What kind of example was she setting for them--that they didn't need to respect authority? She surely wasn't in this case.
When I look at my little girls and my particularly strong willed one, I want them to grow up with a healthy respect for authority and a willingness to be obedient and submissive. I also desire for them to be independent individuals. I am not raising robots. Most of all, the greatest lesson I learned as a strong willed woman was how to listen to others and learn from their experiences and advice. That, above all, is what I want my strongest daughter to learn. And that is the one thing Cynthia Tobias says she will not. I have to disagree, because I did and I so I hope my daughter will, too.
This book condones and perpetuates the patterns I saw in so many middle schoolers. I am so saddened that so many people loved this book. If you are a Christian parent, please be careful with this book. It is very subtle, but it does not condone submission to authority or integrity in strong willed children.
 You Can't Make Me (But I can be persuaded) April 10, 2007
This book is an excellent reference for training your children. I wish I had read it when my son was younger. I would highly recommend it. Cynthia Tobias is a gifted writer, and makes the book a joy to read.
Changed my relationship with my son March 23, 2007
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I was always having struggles with my son. Every instruction became a long and frustrating discussion. Just trying to get him in the tub became a hide and seek game every night. Then I read Cynthia's book. It changed my relationship with my son. Cynthia gives excellent tips on how to talk with an SWC. This book brought a new and refreshing way of helping my child do what is asked without the struggle and in a much more positive way. How you word your instruction is the key. I highly recommend this book and have given several copies away. I keep extras around just in case I run across someone that struggles as I did. It was a relationship saver!
 Parenting Insights for impassioned children February 17, 2007
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Tape format makes it easy to get the information and strategy tips. A good product for a parent on the go--and perhaps in the car alot!!
As a strong-willed impassioned parent who is parenting a strong willed impassioned child, I appreciate that Ms Tobias offered some insights and strategies to defuse the combat. I have a better understanding of ME and my child! On day one after I had listened to her tapes (while running errands) My child comes in the kitchen in the morning, only to be disappointed by his scrambled egg breakfast. Instead of my being upset and saying.."you will eat it or else.." I tried Ms Tobias' tactic. I said, "OK, well we have a problem and I need your help. You have had A, B, C, and D for all different breakfasts this week...which was alot of variety. I need your help then in coming up with some new breakfast ideas." What happened next? Dear child felt "heard" and sat down to eat his breakfast, and we have had no complaints for a week! No suggestions yet either.... BUT as any parent of an SWC (strong willed child) knows We parents have to pick our battles. Also these kids were created by God to be this way for a purpose. We have to help guide them to use their strong convictions and passions properly.
Super book February 6, 2007
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I could not put this book down! After struggling with my child and not understanding what was going on with her, I realize I have a strong-willed child! Ms. Tobias goes into detail describing how you can identify a SWC and presents many strategies in dealing with them. I know I have a very special child and Ms. Tobias gives practical advice in helping parents help a SWC to become a successful adult!
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