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| His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage | 
 enlarge | List Price: $19.99
Buy New: $5.97
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Avg. Customer Rating:  (based on 217 reviews)
Sales Rank: 1404
Category: Book
Author: Willard F. Harley Jr.
Publisher: Revell
Studio: Revell
Manufacturer: Revell
Label: Revell
Format: Special Edition
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Hardcover
Edition: 15 Anv
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 224
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1.1
Dimensions (in): 9.1 x 5.9 x 0.9
ISBN: 0800717880
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.810973
EAN: 9780800717889
ASIN: 0800717880
Publication Date: April 1, 2001
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
Marriage works only when each spouse takes the time to consider the other's needs and strives to meet them. In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs. The revised anniversary edition of His Needs, Her Needs is a celebration of how the book has helped thousands of couples revitalize their marriages during the last fifteen years. This best-seller identifies the causes of marital difficulties and instructs couples on how to prevent them, guiding them to build a relationship that sustains romance and increases intimacy. With today's soaring divorce rate and prevalence of affairs, Harley's insights are needed more than ever before. An unabridged recording of His Needs, Her Needs, the 15th anniversary edition, is now available as an audio book.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 212 more reviews...
 Great for any couple January 8, 2009
We got the "book on tape" version as a gift, and were impressed enough to buy it for our daughter and her fiance'. I would recommend this for anyone married or getting married. We also got the book, LoveBusters by the same author. Also a must have, especially for relationships with "issues". Easy to understand and relate to.
Not for your average feminist December 16, 2008
Very practical book with lots of great ideas (such as the concept of the Love Bank) but can also be interpreted as very sexist and conservative. The idea that the only recreational activity a spouse should do are those that can be shared with your partner just doesn't fit in to a 21st century relationship with most people. As with most books you have to extract from it that which applies to you and there is little doubt that if everyone followed Harley's advice there would be less affairs happening
Marriage Saver December 5, 2008
I was given this book on the brink of divorce. I had the plans in place. I started to read this book and it all made sense to me. Once my husband and I were talking again, we began reading it chapter by chapter together. And it help save our marriage. Not only that, I have my best friend (my husband) back.
Good Points:
1) The needs that I have were precisely stated. When I read that, I knew that this doctor knew what he was doing. With that insight, I read the man's needs side. While I still don't understand those needs, because I know how right he was about mine, it seems reasonable to assume that he's right about his. Because I know how much I would love if my husband were to do all the things suggested, it seems reasonable to think that my husband would love all that were on his side. IT JUST MAKES LOGICAL SENSE.
2) Once a couple is committed to meeting each other's needs, something unexpected happens. Meeting those needs becomes less of an intentional, awkward mechanical action, and more of a way of life. After that, it becomes something you WANT TO DO. It becomes FUN! Much like when we were dating. I never would have thought that could happen again after 10 years of marriage.
OF THE CRITICISM:
Most of this is on physical attractiveness. I can understand that it might be a hard pill to swallow for some women to think that it would be helpful in a marriage for her to consider her husband's feelings about her physical attractiveness. I agree with a previous review - if you cared at all about your appearance before the marriage, why? If you kept in shape while you were dating, WHY? Should you be ashamed of that? Of course not, you did it because you WANTED to be attractive to your spouse. Has that changed? Just like your husband previously bought you flowers or took you out to dinner, or told you how much he loved you. He did that because he wanted you to feel special. Should he stop that? It's all related. If you are like most women, you want to feel special and loved. If you are like most men, you are a visual being. These are but two of the needs that men/women typically have. One other side note, the book does not say that you have to be a physically perfect model or never age, it simply says that you should take that need seriously and work with what you have.
The point is NOT that not meeting these needs is an excuse for an affair. The point is that women and men have basic needs that must be met somehow. If those particular needs aren't met, they'll be one of two things: unhappy/resentful, or look to find those needs to be met elsewhere. We don't want our spouses to do either of those, just as WE don't want to do/feel either of those. It may not seems right, but it's the truth. If we ignore the truth, we will not be as happy as we can be. I find that meeting my husband's needs has increased his happiness and our closeness, which produces more of a desire to meet even more needs. It cannot be one-sided, or it won't last. He is feeling the same way. We are closer than ever. We love each other and are now happy to do whatever we can to make each other feel good. Our children see this love and mutual affection and we hope this will carry on into their adult lives as a model of good relationships based on love and care for other's feelings.
This book really helped our marriage November 19, 2008
I read this book in conjunction with an 8-week class my wife and I joined because we were having a tough time. Now that the class is over, I am totally amazed at the positive impact the book had on our 23-year marriage.
The book defines three stages that married partners move through: intimacy, conflict and withdrawal. I was firmly in withdrawal when I started the class. And after the first session, I was unconvinced that the book would do us any good. But we hung in there, and we both learned so much! I was deeply resenting my wife because I was doing all I could to please her, and felt like she was not reciprocating. As it turns out, the things I was working so hard on were very important to me, but not to her. And she was doing the same thing to me-- trying to show me love by doing things that were important to her, but not to me.
Once we understood what each other's needs were, it was really pretty simple to meet them, and move from withdrawal back to intimacy. The book provided a very helpful framework within which we could discuss our relationship without both getting angry and retreating to our separate corners.
For me, it was extremely helpful to read this book as part of a class. The class gave us encouragement, deadlines and a sense of accountablity that we absolutely would not have had on our own. One couple in our class said that the eight-week class had been way more helpful than 11 months of marriage counseling (not to mention far less expensive!)
The book and class really turned our relationship around. I wish we had done them decades ago. More info on the class is avaiable at the Family Dynamics website, [...]
 Good advice, won't affair proof your marriage November 18, 2008
2 out of 4 found this review helpful
While this book contains great information for making your relationship more fulfilling, it totally paints a picture of performance-based marriage. If your needs aren't met, then apparently you are in a perfect position to go look somewhere else. That's not love. Marriage is about commitment and unfathomable loyalty. When your needs are met, you can attain great joy in marriage, but there is NEVER a valid excuse for an affair. We are in our 7th month of recovery after an affair that rocked our world and this book seeks to give some kind of answer to "how could this happen?" that totally disregards the true meaning of commitment.
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